Forgiving
by Cammy P
Summary: One-shot. Now that Riley is gone, John finds out the things he has done didn't only affect him but someone else as well.
A star. Another star. A moment later thousands of stars were visible in the sky as the beginning of the night struck Los Angeles.
Outside in the back garden sat a teenager lost in thought about everything and nothing. A recurring thought was Riley's death. The girl was murdered by Jesse Flores without hesitation.

 _What a waste_.

A voice that was unmistakably Sarah's called for him and unmercifully brought John's mind back to reality. "John, get inside! It's getting dark."  
"In a few minutes mom!" John replied, frustration clearly audible in his voice. "See that it's not taking longer than that. I'm off to bed. Goodnight John."  
John groaned in annoyance. "Don't worry mom."

 _Just leave me alone for a moment.  
_  
Everything was silent again. Or almost. As John stared into the grassy area only the occasional sound of rustling leafs and squeaking of the old rusty swings could be heard.  
He was about to drift back into a state of brooding about Riley when footsteps approached him from behind. His cyborg protector. John wasn't in the mood for her company, or anyone's company for that matter.

"You should go inside," Cameron said stoically. John let out a long sigh. "I know. If I remember correctly mom just told me that."  
"Yes, you do," She deadpanned.

Cameron took a seat in the swing next to John's, her weight causing it to make even more squeaking noises than usual.

There was a moment of silence. Not an awkward one, but not exactly a comfortable silence either.

After a moment Cameron spoke up. "Penny for your thoughts?"  
A smile appeared on John's face when he recalled the memory where he asked Cameron that same question once, but it turned into a frown almost instantly as if the thought had never occurred to him.

He mumbled a reply. "I don't want to talk about it." Cameron shifted in her swing's seat. "I do."  
"Why? There really isn't anything I need to talk about."

"You're stressed John. Bottling up things that bother you is not healthy. I don't want you to be stressed. You can talk to me John."  
John let out another sigh. "I just don't want to talk about it. Not with _you_ , Cameron."

Cameron frowned slightly but to a point which, even for her, was exceptional.

"You're thinking about Riley." It was more of a statement than a question. John shook his head. "I told you I don't want to talk about it, okay?"  
"You miss her because she's no longer here," Cameron continued, ignoring him.

"I understand that."

John's face turned into one of confusion. "Yeah? Understand how? You loathed Riley. If anything, you're glad she's gone."  
"I am, but she made you happy," Cameron explained, her gaze a little downcast as she spoke. "Now you're not happy anymore. That's not what I want."  
John nodded in understanding. "Yeah, she did make me happy. And the worst part of it all is that she was probably pretending to like me since the day I met her."

John felt his eyes becoming moist but he quickly wiped away the upcoming tears. He didn't want to cry. Not now, at least. There would be plenty of time to cry later at night when he was alone in his bedroom.

Cameron looked at John intently. "I'm sorry."  
"What for?"  
"You're John Connor."  
He didn't reply.

The conversation stalled and there was an uncomfortable silence. Cameron hesitated. Should she bring up this subject? How will John respond?

She made the decision.

"John?" Cameron almost whispered. She looked into John's exhausted eyes, eyes filled with hurt and loss. The sight of it was depressing. "Yes, Cameron?"

"I miss when you explained things to me I didn't understand. Before your birthday. I miss when you were nice to me because nobody else was. It was a nice feeling to be valued. Like you would a human. Someone who mattered. Not that I deserved that kind of attention. I'm a machine, after all."

New fresh tears appeared in John's eyes but this time he made no attempt to wipe them off.  
"Cameron..." He began, but trailed off, not sure how to respond to her sudden confession.

Deep down, John knew he had feelings for Cameron, feelings he shouldn't have for a machine. To him she was more than his protector. He'd made a deal with himself to never admit it to anyone. Heck, he couldn't even admit it to himself, until now. A small part of him still didn't want to, but he had bottled up these feelings for too long and he felt like he just couldn't take it anymore.

It doesn't really matter now. Riley is gone and now he is on his own again. Same old same old.

 _But it doesn't have to be like this, right? Screw this, I have nothing to lose anyway._

His eyes met Cameron's as he took her right hand in his.

Slowly cupping her cheek with his other hand John leaned in and kissed her tenderly on the softest lips he'd ever kissed before. Softer than Riley's. A chill running down his spine as he kissed her. He quickly pulled back before he got too lost in the moment and looked at Cameron in anticipation.

She was speechless. Big brown eyes gazing into John's blue-green ones. What first were eyes clouded with pain now were eyes filled with warmth and bliss.  
 _What does this mean? It feels so wrong, yet so right at the same time._

"John?" She whispered after a moment that felt like a decade to John. He swallowed hard.  
"Why did you kiss me?"

"Oh..." John started _,_ unsure how to properly explain himself. "You know... to say sorry. For everything I've said and done to you. And everything I haven't done for you."

He let out a shaky breath before continuing.

"Ever since I met you I knew you're more than machine Cameron. Don't let anyone tell you different. Not mom, definitely not Derek, and not even me, OK? Don't forget that."

He paused for a moment and shivered, barely able to contain himself.

"Look Cameron, while Riley made me happy I didn't have the same feelings for her I have for you. I tried pushing you away and just hoped for the best when hooking up with Riley, but look where I am now."

John's eyes once again met Cameron's who was just staring at him, mouth slightly ajar.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me Cameron. You're always there for me yet I treated you like crap. I'm so sorry for that. You know, I'm glad things did not work out the way I intended."

Cameron slightly tilted her head as she processed the overwhelming amount of information. John then realized how much he really missed that gesture. A tiny smile appeared on her face.

"Thank you for explaining."

John let out a faint chuckle. It had been a long time since he last heard these words. "Can you please forgive me for being such a jerk?"  
Cameron leaned forward and gave John a peck on his left cheek. Touching the spot with his fingers he felt traces of the crimson red lipstick he didn't know she wore.

"Of course John."

Time passed as they sat in peace just staring off into space, hands entwined. John Connor now was a happier human, Cameron a happier machine. As dark as the times had been, for now their future looked bright.

* * *

AN

Made some changes as time passed after uploading this one. Just a lighthearted one-shot. I think I can do better.


End file.
